January - met a sweet younger guy that is all about taking me out.
February * March - dated and enjoyed his kisses.
April - after the "magic" date he says "see you around" literally that was the last thing he said. i did a double take but he kissed me goodbye as if he didn't just say that and off i went. slowly followed by a text the next week, im going thru something right now and cant handle a relationship.
May - celebrate cinco de mayo, get wasted and speak only in spanish, or so i thought : ) got to love tequila!
June - met a cute older guy. first week meet his mom and best friends.
July - spent the 4th with him and his parents and basically every night with him.
August - he fails to call me on my birthday. willing to not care but he waits 5 days to call. im done by then.
September - the summer is over and i never saw the guy i still think about almost every day.
October - first dates that are also last dates.
November - go to Italy, it is amazing, but zero Italian men for me. meet a hot younger guy that is seriously hot.
December - hook up with hot guy a few times. then he has something to work out. guessing his ex girl friend is back or hes had his fill already. either way he was hot, good memories : ) now awaiting New Year's, hoping to snag a last minute date.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
heartbroken
so much to say!
ive started my story and for now its titled heartbroken and i have two pages
im so excited : )
amazing kisser
hes still on the brain... and in my phone book, and called me tonight.
meanwhile i haven't seen him since last september. crazy how he can still have this effect on me.
we've been playing phone tag but i took his call when i was leaving work tonight. never really figured out where we stood after i tried the last relationship.
i felt funny still talking with him about getting together over the summer when i was dating the last guy. so i emailed him back in march:
i never seem to catch you on the phone these days. so here goes email. a dangerous combination of it being late night and moreso my emotional roller coaster days before my period but im terribly honest about sharing my thoughts and so i want to share this with you. no i havent been drinking but i did indulge myself with a hot fudge sundae earlier tonight, very yummy. anyways...
last summer may have been just a good time for you but i need to thank you. my ex hurt me both physically and emotionally. while i knew it was so messed up what he did and knew i deserved better i never thought i could really open myself up to opening my heart again. your freedom of expressing love without truly being in love was my gateway back. youre an amazing intimate lover. i have overly enjoyed reminiscing the past few months of our few shared times together.
why am i choosing to say thank you now? as much as i dont want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you again i know i want more than a lover. ive been free of dating and looking for someone having been more than happy meeting you last year. altho thats also led me with time to realize whats important to me and what i want. still not really sold on the kid idea but definitely want to find one man to spend the rest of my life with. all i can do is hope and pray that when i find a potential guy i feel a spark of what i felt when i was with you
surprise im crying to myself right now but this is pretty big for me. ive really listened to myself and what i want and the biggest sacrifice is letting go of the best times ive ever had. but now being aware of opening myself up i couldnt possibly knowingly be with you again knowing how hurt i could be.
wishing never to say goodbye but more happy than anything else that i got a chance to know you, and moreso feel you
tonight he reminds me of the great time we had when we were together and how i should let him know if i want to get together again. but after i talk to him now i just cry after. im just sad because i know all the passion is only for the moment and i want MORE. so again i turn to writing because on the phone with him all i can say is i dont know.
tempted to send my current thoughts:
After hearing your voice, putting down my phone, I close my eyes and I see those blue eyes and I want nothing more than to feel your arms around me.
I'm a family girl that loves every minute I spend with my niece which has made me realize how
blessed I would be if given the opportunity to have my own children.
So...No casual sex. No lustful passionate making love without truly being in love with someone.
I want a man that is also family orientated. Someone that believes in marriage and wants to at least try to have a baby together. I want to be able to share our days with each other and be held every night.
I'm so attracted to you so I don't think its the best idea to see you.
Enjoying our chemistry will only be a temporarily escape in the moment.
But after I will feel more alone than before.
I miss the after... more that the act of being with someone.
I am over my ex but I am not over wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone.
So that's my story. I can't make love again unless to start a family. I want that more than sex.
I feel to cheesy to say it aloud. I'm more of a writer than a talker so there it is.
meanwhile i haven't seen him since last september. crazy how he can still have this effect on me.
we've been playing phone tag but i took his call when i was leaving work tonight. never really figured out where we stood after i tried the last relationship.
i felt funny still talking with him about getting together over the summer when i was dating the last guy. so i emailed him back in march:
i never seem to catch you on the phone these days. so here goes email. a dangerous combination of it being late night and moreso my emotional roller coaster days before my period but im terribly honest about sharing my thoughts and so i want to share this with you. no i havent been drinking but i did indulge myself with a hot fudge sundae earlier tonight, very yummy. anyways...
last summer may have been just a good time for you but i need to thank you. my ex hurt me both physically and emotionally. while i knew it was so messed up what he did and knew i deserved better i never thought i could really open myself up to opening my heart again. your freedom of expressing love without truly being in love was my gateway back. youre an amazing intimate lover. i have overly enjoyed reminiscing the past few months of our few shared times together.
why am i choosing to say thank you now? as much as i dont want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you again i know i want more than a lover. ive been free of dating and looking for someone having been more than happy meeting you last year. altho thats also led me with time to realize whats important to me and what i want. still not really sold on the kid idea but definitely want to find one man to spend the rest of my life with. all i can do is hope and pray that when i find a potential guy i feel a spark of what i felt when i was with you
surprise im crying to myself right now but this is pretty big for me. ive really listened to myself and what i want and the biggest sacrifice is letting go of the best times ive ever had. but now being aware of opening myself up i couldnt possibly knowingly be with you again knowing how hurt i could be.
wishing never to say goodbye but more happy than anything else that i got a chance to know you, and moreso feel you
tonight he reminds me of the great time we had when we were together and how i should let him know if i want to get together again. but after i talk to him now i just cry after. im just sad because i know all the passion is only for the moment and i want MORE. so again i turn to writing because on the phone with him all i can say is i dont know.
tempted to send my current thoughts:
After hearing your voice, putting down my phone, I close my eyes and I see those blue eyes and I want nothing more than to feel your arms around me.
I'm a family girl that loves every minute I spend with my niece which has made me realize how
blessed I would be if given the opportunity to have my own children.
So...No casual sex. No lustful passionate making love without truly being in love with someone.
I want a man that is also family orientated. Someone that believes in marriage and wants to at least try to have a baby together. I want to be able to share our days with each other and be held every night.
I'm so attracted to you so I don't think its the best idea to see you.
Enjoying our chemistry will only be a temporarily escape in the moment.
But after I will feel more alone than before.
I miss the after... more that the act of being with someone.
I am over my ex but I am not over wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone.
So that's my story. I can't make love again unless to start a family. I want that more than sex.
I feel to cheesy to say it aloud. I'm more of a writer than a talker so there it is.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
So long, so long and on to the next one
Well after thinking it was funny he said "he see you around" after last Sunday I texted him during the week and we had the normal back and forth. So whatever right. But then its late Friday night and we don't have plans for the weekend so I send:
me: "he whatcha got goin on this weekend"
ten minutes later i get a response
him: "hey i'm not sure yet"
me: "ok i hav work n my uncles bday party tomorrow hopefully sunday maybe"
then come monday night i have not heard from him so i call, get his voicemail and casually say hey i havent heard from you in forever so i thought id say hi, hope all is well, talk to you later.
tonight i get a text from him: "hey sorry i havent gotten to you sooner. im going through something and dont know exactly how much time i can devote to other things right now."
well i do appreciate getting a response instead of him just falling off the face of the earth. what gets me is that i thought he was a good guy and that is why i was drawn to him. something doesnt add up here. he put in too much time and we got along to well for him to just blow me off. go figure.
as guster said in their song so long
"So long, so long, front foot leads the back one
Go on and it won't be too soon
You're lost and gone and on to the next one
Don't need to know who you are "
me: "he whatcha got goin on this weekend"
ten minutes later i get a response
him: "hey i'm not sure yet"
me: "ok i hav work n my uncles bday party tomorrow hopefully sunday maybe"
then come monday night i have not heard from him so i call, get his voicemail and casually say hey i havent heard from you in forever so i thought id say hi, hope all is well, talk to you later.
tonight i get a text from him: "hey sorry i havent gotten to you sooner. im going through something and dont know exactly how much time i can devote to other things right now."
well i do appreciate getting a response instead of him just falling off the face of the earth. what gets me is that i thought he was a good guy and that is why i was drawn to him. something doesnt add up here. he put in too much time and we got along to well for him to just blow me off. go figure.
as guster said in their song so long
"So long, so long, front foot leads the back one
Go on and it won't be too soon
You're lost and gone and on to the next one
Don't need to know who you are "
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Love
Chatted online with last summer's lover. He shared his favorite quote with me:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
To which I commented, "beautiful", to which I received a follow up goofy laughing smiley face.
While I sense I will never feel the passion I shared with him... not that I won't experience passion, it will just be on another level, I'm also too aware that there is not more to be shared with him. Ah growing up is always a bummer. Envious of those that can stay in ignorance is bliss mode.
Instead I am opening myself and my heart to this new guy who offers a lot of "potential" as he has said since meeting.
Spring is here. Hope all feel a little buzz of spring love and how sweet it can be.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
4 months later
and I still have the same feelings for this guy and the wants and hopes of something more.
Well... while I have been patiently waiting for the spring to come and his arrival back alas someone new enters the picture. Not someone I would typically look at, but a couple drinks later, some dancing, find out that he is a pretty good kisser. This is very important to me : )
Not only that but he is the sweetest guy ever, so far. So far it has been just over a month, but see each other at least once a week if not 3 times. Even had our first weekend together last week and he remained a sweet gentleman when I slowed down our speed. There are still other ways to have fun which we did.
Still not sure how to close the door to the last guy... not ever wanting to... but still wanting much more, and while this new guy may not start with the passion and attraction i thought was most important he has everything else going for him, and my heart grows weak each time he shows me how sweet he can be. sigh. could i be falling again?
Well... while I have been patiently waiting for the spring to come and his arrival back alas someone new enters the picture. Not someone I would typically look at, but a couple drinks later, some dancing, find out that he is a pretty good kisser. This is very important to me : )
Not only that but he is the sweetest guy ever, so far. So far it has been just over a month, but see each other at least once a week if not 3 times. Even had our first weekend together last week and he remained a sweet gentleman when I slowed down our speed. There are still other ways to have fun which we did.
Still not sure how to close the door to the last guy... not ever wanting to... but still wanting much more, and while this new guy may not start with the passion and attraction i thought was most important he has everything else going for him, and my heart grows weak each time he shows me how sweet he can be. sigh. could i be falling again?
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